A takeaway about networking interactions
Years ago, a total reframe for me: “Networking should be viewed as the number of people you help.”
I don’t know who said it first, and I wish I could credit the source, because it was a game-changer on two levels.
1. For Networking Situations
For me, it was a much better way to think about networking events and conversations, which tended to make me self-conscious and uncomfortable.
I remember a long time ago being at a networking event, and a prominent politician was there, working the room. He approached me, said his name, and asked where I lived.
But from him, this wasn’t the usual small-talk opening, it was a qualifying question. I didn’t live in his voting area, so when I answered, without another word he immediately moved on to the next person, and did the same thing.
He had a a strategy. He quick-filtered to spend time **only** with people who might vote for him.
It didn’t make me mad, or feel insulted. He was doing his thing, no harm done. Given his evident agenda, he avoided wasting my time too.
It did strike me, however, as a clear example of exactly how I did **not** want to behave.
So for me, the networking advice about “success = helping” instead of “success = get yours or get lost” was an instant workaround:
To look first for ways to be helpful, versus trying to wow people with a snazzy elevator pitch, feels better, more natural for me & makes it easier to build genuine rapport.
2. A Design Principle for Any Interactions
Even more importantly, it helped me realize almost **everything** about interpersonal communication can be redesigned in ways you can feel great about doing.
Whatever the topic or content of any 1-1, or small group meeting, or larger group event -- it’s a plus if both sides come out feeling better than before, so…..try to make that happen!
Whatever’s already on the agenda, always add one more item: “Help them feel better.”
Whatever else you need to do in the interaction, always have something relevant you can say or share that you feel great about. A fun story, an insightful realization, an eye-opening piece of information, an inspiring story.
And, whatever else needs to be covered on their side of the interaction, look for ways to help them feel better because you were there. Don’t be an emotional net zero:)
Even simply paying full attention, with engaged, positive eye contact and body language, makes a difference. Look like you’re glad to be there with them. Show some curiosity & appreciation. Thank them for something relevant as you finish. Even if you were on different sides of an issue, thank them for showing up & helping you sharpen your thoughts.
If it didn’t go well, go for a plus afterward -- turn it into an entertaining story you can tell someone else later:)
Don’t head into the next interaction on emotional autopilot. Steer towards emotional value. Do it both for yourself and for them.
Life’s short, but it’s longer in the wrong way when interactions suck:)
Intend ahead to make them more enjoyable.
That’s the takeaway: Prepare before to feel better after.